I'm going to sue Disney...

That's it. I've had enough. If life doesn't suck enough, You go through childhood thinking that adulthood is going to be cheesecake and ice cream. You watch All the Disney movies as a kid.
Cinderella... prince charming comes and saves the day for her, taking her away from a life of servitude and emotional neglect... except they ignored the end where Prince charming and Cinderella got divorced because Prince Charming is an alcoholic and Cinderella is a delusional schizophrenic.
Pocahontas... Pocahontas and John fall in love and she saves him and he saves her people, they get married and live happily ever after? Nope. John takes her to England and forces his culture on her, she lives out her life unhappily due to emotional abuse and a husband that cheated on her regularly. Then he went back to America and left her in England to fend for herself.
Little Mermaid? In the real story she dies in the end... Disney version? They split because Ariel couldn't have kids. Forcing Prince Charming to cheat on her and have a bunch of bastards before the had her beheaded.
Snow White... Prince Charming saves Snow white from her wicked Step-Mother, only to Find out that she cheated with the seven dwarfs, and the babies weren't his. He was so upset by this he had to be institutionalized, and the dwarfs wouldn't take Snow White in after they found out the truth so she moved into a shack and ultimately became the old woman in the shoe ( with tons of kids and had no idea who's father was who.)

So, I'm seriously thinking about suing. I want to sue Disney, and probably Hollywood for that matter, for giving me the disillusion that I could find a prince charming and have a happily ever after.
I lose a little part of my belief in love everyday. All it seems society today, and my generation are concerned with is sex. I want more. I want to have a happy family with a strong bond based on honesty. So why is it that I feel like I won't ever find it?
Am I looking in all the wrong places? Maybe I just don't cut it. Maybe from the outside I don't fit the relationship mold.
Whatever...
"Can't" isn't in my vocabulary, but I come closer and closer to putting in here everyday.

My mom sends me "Blog Fodder"...

http://www.plentyoffish.com/member5917576.htm


I received this link, along with a description funny enough to post on "www.postcardsfromyomomma.com" (but I didn't because I promised).

So I checked out the link.

Now it's sad when even I don't know where to begin. (Mostly because I'm not sure where it begins or ends... sheesh!) So I'm just going to start at the top...

"sexykayz" is looking for "a nice guy."
"sexykayz" has one clothed picture and seven cleavage shots in various states of undress.
"sexykayz" says "Im NOT looking 2 hook up or have sex. so PLEASE if thats all you want dont contact me because the second you try to make a pass at me or tell me my tits are nice, you will be blocked from contacting me"

"sexykayz" is a walking contradiction. When I looked at this, I was torn between laughing at her, and wanting to help her. Obviously we can see which side is winning.

The obvious thing for me to do would be to start ripping apart her physical appearance. I could say things like "Watch out for this one, people, she's rocking the myspace angles*!" or "Holy Tweezers, chick! WTF happened to her face!" But the sad reality is that she is making some of the same mistakes a ton of young girls make. There's absolutely NO WAY she doesn't see how the photographs she's taken of herself (and posted on the internet for all to see) force someone to look at her in a sexual light. The photographs don't inspire thoughts of art, beauty, class, or intelligence. They say "look at me I'm an attention whore, and sex sells."

But don't tell her her "tits" are nice. I understand that they are spilling out all over her personal ad, and that she looks like a whore, but really, she wants to be loved for *who* she is. Not what she looks like. Sadly enough she's 21, has a six month old, and she's still a baby herself. Looking at her page all I can think is that she has NO IDEA who she is, or what she wants. But she sure wants someone to come along and do everything for her.

This girl needs to do the rest of woman kind a favor, and either get some self-respect and pull her head out of her ass, or just admit she wants to be viewed as a sex object to validate her short comings. But posting a bunch of half naked pictures and expecting true nice guys to contact her is a bit outlandish.


*myspace angles- photographs taken at angles as to make one who is not so attractive appear as though they are.
i.e.

Seems like the most amazing people are the ones that leave us too soon.

Friday, May 1st, 2009

The world lost another hero on Friday. Another bright star whose light shone for far too brief a time, in the eyes of those who knew him.

Thomas Michael Mozik, JR. (TJ, Teej, Teejers, Teejmeister)... You will forever be in our hearts.

I know exactly what he would say to me right now. He'd hug me, tell me I'm beautiful, and tell me to be happy that I was one of the lucky ones who had the opportunity to call him friend. Then he'd start laughing at my episode of crying at the grocery store. "Clean up aisle three!" He'd start making jokes, and before I would know it, my tears would become laughter, and all would be right with the world.

Teej gave great advice. Whether or not I took it before it was too late was often another story.
Teej gave 100% all the time. I first met Teej in the 6th Grade. 15 years later, I'm standing alone in my thoughts, and thanks to him I have some awesome memories to reflect on, and should hell freeze over and I procreate, I have some amazing stories of our adventures to share and pass on.

I miss you Teej. I love you, and my heart aches knowing you're gone, but a piece of you lives on in all of us that had the oppurtunity to know you, and have you in our lives.

There are days I seriously wonder if my life isn't some kind of comedy. I mean it's not funny to me, but I can see where my misfortunes would be funny to someone else. I have SEVERAL supporting examples for this.

We'll start with *Sam*. I met him online a few years ago. I think it was off of Hot or Not, or Yahoo Personals, who knows (or cares at this point). *Sam* was just out of the military, very nice via email, and it seemed like we had a lot of similar interests. So after about two months of emailing and texting and a few phone calls, he asked me to dinner. A nice little Italian place in my area. So, anyone who knows me, knows that not only was I excited I put a lot of time and care in getting ready. When I get there, there's a small, man wearing a LARGE Hawaiian shirt and dirty black pants standing outside. He was rocking the 80's fireman porn-stache, and when he smiled, he had the most disgusting rotted nubs left of teeth. The pictures that were sent to me, were NOT this guy. But low and behold, here's my 'date'. (Go ahead laugh) I was determined to prove to myself I was not so shallow as to turn around and leave. I've been stood up before, and I've been left on a date, I know it sucks. So I hiked up my proverbial britches and walked inside. I remember sitting across the table and staring at his teeth as he talked and praying that he order something soft because I didn't want to witness any further damage to them. I only ordered a salad, my appetite was gone, and the urge to run and brush my teeth was almost overwhelming. The worst part, was listening to him. He had some really interesting stories about his military experiences, and childhood tales. But in the end, my shallowness won. I did make it through the entire thing. I almost cried when he ordered dessert, but I made it. He hugged me when we walked out, that was when I realized the smell the entire evening was not the restaurant, it was him. He was talking to me, started to say something about the possibility of meeting up again, when THANK HEAVENS, someone called. I said I had to take it, made out like it was for work, and booked it.
I mean there's no saving those teeth, not with out a WHOLE LOT of money. But really? Shower? Shave? Clean clothes? Sending a REAL picture? Come on... What would you have done? Because I beat myself up on how shallow I was for a little while, then realized it's ok to have standards, and hopefully he meets someone who can look past all that.

What's worse, is that I have tons of these nightmares to share.

And my mother wonders why I'm not dating anyone...updated v.5


Below you will find the most entertaining part of my day...

Some guy "KING BRECKSVILLE", who's knowledge of the lowercase letter and proper social interaction (i.e. how to pick up chicks) is limited; messaged me earlier today randomly. As I get these kinds of messages frequently, I generally send back a snide remark and that's usually it...

But this one, he has balls... Large metaphoric balls... as I refuse to give him my email address to send me "COCK PICS"... but feel free to do so yourself if you want... I'm sure he'll send them to you.

Anyways, if you never read or comment on my blogs... I think you should atleast do so today...

Here goes!...


----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: KING BRECKSVILLE
Date: Apr 24, 2007 12:16 PM


U ARE PRETTY DAMN SEXY....U WANNA "PARTY"?


----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: ~*~Angela~*~
Date: Apr 24, 2007 9:29 AM


wow... where to begin...

1) what do you mean by "party"?
-with the quotes that could possibly take on several meanings.
2) your page says you are in a relationship
3) ALL CAPS??? WHY ARE YOU SCREAMING AT ME???
4) Are you trying to hit on me? or make me laugh histerically? cuz I'm at work and everyone just popped their heads out of their cubicles to look.
5) Are you serious? I mean, come on, seriously?

Please don't take offense. But I like to think that I have a little more class than to start drooling over every ass that tells me I'm sexy.

Have a great day!
:)


----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: KING BRECKSVILLE
Date: Apr 24, 2007 12:30 PM


u wanna lick my "YAMM BAGS" TODAY?......i did SCREAM that one...lol


----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: ~*~Angela~*~
Date: Apr 24, 2007 9:41 AM


Oh boy! I've always wanted herpes...

And seriously? "Yamm bags"? It pains me to admit this, but you get points for originality.

and btw, the answer is no.
But if you feel like arguing your case, I feel this would make a very entertaining blog.

Thanks!


----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: KING BRECKSVILLE
Date: Apr 24, 2007 12:44 PM


i have an idea.....HOW ABOUT I SPREAD THOSE "CHOPSTICKS" OF YOURS TO THE 4 POINTS OF THE COMPASS WHILE I LICK YOUR ASS LIKE AN ICE CREAM CONE....?......U LIKE MOMMA ?


----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: ~*~Angela~*~
Date: Apr 24, 2007 2:49 PM


My "chopsticks"?

Again, I was almost at a loss for words when I read that. Luckily I found you some.

1) What the hell are chop sticks... atleast I was able to find "Yam Bags" in the urban dictionary.

2) if there's commonly two chopsticks to work with, how do you spread them "to the 4 points of the compass"?

3) I don't know your momma, so I neither like/nor dislike her.

4) I'm glad you have "ideas", because that means you do actually have some sort of brain function. This would be what separates you from the average neolithic male.

5) Does this actually work for you? I mean, seriously? Would you walk into a bar and talk to a random woman like that?



----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: KING BRECKSVILLE
Date: Apr 24, 2007 5:51 PM


HAHAHAHAHAA.....U WANNA COME OVER TONIGHT AND TAKE A FEW PUFFS ON MY "MEAT CIGAR" ?


----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: ~*~Angela~*~
Date: Apr 24, 2007 3:02 PM


Well, atleast that's one euphamism I didn't have to go look up.

Though, the more I respond for my own entertainment purposes, I have to think you wither know me though someone else, or are one of my friends posing and fucking with me. Either way...

While I will be "puff"ing tonight... It will be on my cigarrettes in the comfort of my own home, or maybe, the local bar. And while I may be wasting words, I can guarantee I will not waste my gas for such endeavors.

I wish you the best...

Maybe you will find someone who appreciates your, ummm, we'll call them come ons, more.


----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: KING BRECKSVILLE
Date: Apr 24, 2007 6:04 PM


AHHHHHH...YAWN


----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: ~*~Angela~*~
Date: Apr 24, 2007 6:05 PM


I'm sorry. Have I bored you?


----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: KING BRECKSVILLE
Date: Apr 24, 2007 6:09 PM


U WANT SOME COCK PICS?....ADDY OTHER THAN "MYSPACE"?


----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: ~*~Angela~*~
Date: Apr 24, 2007 3:13 PM


Ok, now your just saying this shit to get a rise out of me.


----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: KING BRECKSVILLE
Date: Apr 24, 2007 6:14 PM


NO IM SERIOUS...U WANT THOSE PICS?.....THEY ARE "YUMMY"....


----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: ~*~Angela~*~
Date: Apr 24, 2007 6:22 PM


Who does that?!?!? Seriously you float nude images of yourself around the internet? What does your girlfriend think of this? And I have been snide and rude and condescending ALL DAY, and you keep coming back for more? AND YOU'LL SEND ME NAKED PICTURES???
I hate to think what you'd do if you found out I have whips and restraints....

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: KING BRECKSVILLE
Date: Apr 24, 2007 6:24 PM


I WANT YOU TO SEE MY COCK PICS.....ADDY TIME....NOW...


----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: ~*~Angela~*~
Date: Apr 24, 2007 6:27 PM


You are OUT OF YOUR MIND if you think I am going to take orders from anyone, let alone YOU.

OUT OF YOUR MIND!!!

What would posess you to even come to the conclusion that I want to see your penis???


----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: KING BRECKSVILLE
Date: Apr 24, 2007 6:27 PM


OHHHHH...MOMMA.....GIVE ME THE ADDY SO I CAN SHOW YOU MY THICK THROBBING ROCK HARD COCK.....AND YOU DECIDE..



----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: KING BRECKSVILLE
Date: Apr 24, 2007 6:30 PM


...BECAUSE ...I KNOW U DO....YEAH...YOU MAY "ACT COY" ABOUT IT....BUT YOU LOVE THICK KNOBBY JUICY COCKS......JUST LOOK AT IT


----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: ~*~Angela~*~
Date: Apr 24, 2007 3:33 PM


I'm still waiting for the "suprise!!! I'm so and so, we met at blah blah that one time and I'm just fucking with you!"

Because you can't be serious.


----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: KING BRECKSVILLE
Date: Apr 24, 2007 6:34 PM


OH....NO PUNCHLINE HERE.....JUST NICE JUICY MEATY COCK FOR YOU TO SUCK ON...


----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: KING BRECKSVILLE
Date: Apr 24, 2007 6:40 PM


HOW ABOUT I COME OVER TONIGHT AND EAT YOUR PUSSY?

(Originally Posted September 2007)

Oh, but for the Crazy Cat Lady...






Ok, I know, some of you may already be well aware of my recent rantings on how I'm destined to be the "Crazy Cat Lady".

You know of whom I speak. The old woman who lives down the street. You know, the one that you thought was really a wicked witch when you were a kid. The boney old croon with the crazy hair and about 90 cats running around her yard? Yeah, that woman. The Crazy Cat Lady.

I haven't exactly been talling the world about my inner workings lately, but I guess since it's brought me literally TONS of blogging material, it's time I let the proverbial "cat" out of the bag.

I'm back in therapy. There. It's out.

But I'm not sure at this point what's more therapeutic for me. My therapist, or meeting the other nut jobs in the waiting room. While I get a lot out of talking to my therapist, these people make me feel as though my problems are nothing and that I may, in fact, be the most sane person in all the world.

Now we ALL know that's not true. I definitely have my crazy days and my idiosyncrasies... But these people, these people make my crazy days look like the mole hills they may really be.

Yesterday, I had the joy of seeing "the Crazy Cat Lady" up close. As if the cat T shirt and the slippers weren't enough, she BROUGHT ONE HER CATS WITH HER TO THERAPY.

Anyways, I went in for my appointment yesterday on my lunch. No big deal. I needed to talk to the nurse about some of my issues with the medication they gave me a few weeks ago. (That's a whole blog waiting to happen, if you don't think I'm crazy now, you will after reading that)

I sign in and have a seat. I generally sit in the chair in the corner, thus giving me the best vantage point to witness the crazy begin. I learned this after my first appointment, where some guy was arguing with a woman behind me that he should be more highly regarded as a person because even though he wanted to take advantage of passed out woman, he knew better and didn't that last time he had the "opportunity." (Told you, crazy people)

I sit and the waiting room begins to fill. A large older woman caught my eye because I thought she was talking to her purse as she walked up to the counter. Then I had to stifle a laugh as the receptionist seemed to play into what I thought was a delusion. The cat butts on the back of her shirt should have given this away, but I missed it for a second. When she turned around there was a black and white kitten in her arms. "Awww"

Just for a second I need you to picture this woman. It's important you see this in your mind. She had to have been late fifties/early sixties, maybe 5'4" at best, and had two tone crazy hair. it was white/ silver at the roots but then she had this odd attempt at a bun that looked mostly yellow. Like she tried to be blonde for a while and just gave up and decided to spend her hair dye money on cat toys. She had on a t shirt that would have been over sized for the normal person, but was just a bit too snug for comfort... I'm sure she didn't notice the lack of comfort, but it sure made me uncomfortable. :/ The slippers made sense to me, because I'm sure regular shoes were painful on her cankles. But what threw me off, was the skirt. It was too short for her, then again ankle length would be the only appropriate length for her. But it was a nice skirt. Put together right would have been very professional. Add bad teeth and what I'm sure was a duffel bag she was using as a purse and you have our Crazy Cat Lady.

When she went to sit down, there were plenty of empty chairs, but she comes over to my corner and asks if I'm allergic to cats as she sits down, I say yes, but she's to busy planting her ass in her chair to care. "He just had a bath, so you'll be fine" is the snotty reply. Don't get me wrong I love cats, but man, some cats make my system go haywire, this cat was no exception. I had to get up and go outside and when I came back in moved to the other side of the waiting room.

Crazy Cat Lady was talking to her cat like a new mother to an infant. When the cat wanted to play she plays and proceeded to yell at the cat in that baby voice "NO BITE, NO BITE!!!"

I have since decided to repeal my previous claim that I would end up being the Crazy Cat Lady. I'm not near crazy enough. And I think it would be too much work to achieve that goal. Besides, I really don't think there are enough antihistamines in the WORLD for me to have more than three or four cats...

So there it is. I now need to come up with a new eclectic goal for my old age and senility.

(Originally Posted September 2007)

This is not okay. I am not okay.....






I woke up yesterday with the intentions of having a great week-end. Thus far I've had a crappy week, and was hoping the week-end would be better.

Well let me hand it to you straight. Nothing will ever get better in this circus I call my life. It's one stressful/tragic situation after another. Some of this I've done to myself. And no matter how hard I work to get myself out of it, I seem to just dig myself deeper and deeper.

I just want to crawl into a hole and never come out. Everything I say, is wrong. Everything I do, it's wrong too. I can't even feel right.

I'm tired of feeling like it's me against the world. I don't want to fight anymore. I don't want to struggle. I feel like it's just time to succumb.

Sometimes I feel like my life is a TV show, and some sick fuck is just laughing his/her ass off at my downfalls and shortcomings.

Either that or I was Hitler in a previous life. B/c I don't know what I did to deserve this kind of bad karma.

So there we have it. I fucking hate my life. And I fucking feel like I can't do anything about it.

(Originally Posted on November 4, 2007 8:24pm)

Sweetie the cat...


My cat died.

She was the only cat I ever knew that had soft fur like a rabbit, barked like a dog, chirped like a bird, purred like a motor, but didn't meow.
She was also the only creature that loved me unconditionally. Before I moved into my apartment where I can't have pets, she slept with me, ate with me, watched tv with me, went for car rides with me, and sat in my lap or on my bed or on my desk while I did my homework, or sat on my computer... That cat had more personality than most people.

So I miss my cat. She is irreplaceable...

I sat at my dad's house (where she had been residing) watching a movie with my dad, and kept looking over expecting her to chirp and come bounding into the room. And then the water works would start again. It's amazing how an animal becomes part of your family, and how much of your heart it fills with joy.

I miss her...

(Originally Posted on February 21st, 2008 at 11:33pm)

Take my heart.


You can have my heart;

I don’t need it anymore.

I hate these feelings;

You can take them, too.

In fact, I was doing just fine before you;

And I’ll do great after.

So you can take my heart;

I don’t want it anymore.

I don’t want these feelings;

Take them too.

I try so hard to be an unemotional person. I fail. But it’s ok. I’ll be a stronger person for it. My dad always tells me I’m too much of a bleeding heart for other people... So I guess it’s ok I’m a bleeding heart for me this time.

I’ve made a lot of positive steps and I’m going to keep moving forward. It’s the only direction I’m going to allow myself to go. No more cognative back stepping.

So today is again the first day of the rest of my life. So here I go, I’m going to tighten my bootstraps and keep on trucking. Resiliency; it’s all I know.

(Originally Posted April 6th, 2008 at 4:31)

untitled:

She lay under a pile of blankets listening to the rain beat on the windows. It was cold, but she was refraining from turning the furnace on. It may have been warm for December, but it was still cold, and it was too expensive to run the heat. So she lay listening to the rain. And for every drop of rain that hit the window, a thought raced through her mind. She felt as though her surroundings were new to her, even though she'd lived in the small apartment for three years now. Silently a tear fell from her eye, but she brushed it away dismissing the thoughts that created it.

She took a deep breath. Breathing in the scent of her own freshly washed hair, the lingering scents of candles that had been lit earlier, and for a brief moment she thought she smelled him. This caught her off guard. It had been quite some time since she'd even let him cross her mind, but every once in a while he'd creep in and she would think of all the possibilities had things worked out in her favor. But he was gone, the only things left were a few pictures and memories that were already beginning to fade with time.

Her mind moved quickly to more prevalent things affecting her life. She'd gotten herself into plenty of messes in her life, but it seemed that she dug herself a deeper hole every time she'd managed to climb out of another. Between work stresses, finances, and a dwindling social life that was causing her to lose touch with her friends, she was beginning to lose hope of finding her way out.

There were small victories. And she reminded herself that there had been more victories lately. No matter how small. Her bills were current, for once. She'd managed extra hours to pay off a couple outstanding bills. And she was following through with the recent promise to herself to take better care of herself. But still something was missing.

She drifted slowly into a fitful sleep.

When she woke the next morning it was still chilled, but the rain had subsided to a gray cloud cover. The first thought in her head drove her from her bed to her day planner to make a list of all the things she needed to accomplish that day, knowing she'd never have the energy to get it all done. That was her main problem. A lack of drive.

Her mind muddled, she took a shower to clear her thoughts and get started on the things she needed to do. And she began to take the steps necessary to change her life. But where would she go? And would she ever get there?

She has to. She can't stay here.


(Originally posted December 14, 2007 at 7:30 pm)

I find it funny that we as people tend to see what everyone else is doing wrong, but can't see for ourselves until the waters already boiled over. At least, that's how I am.

I've spent the last several days angry at someone because he'd rather blame his problems on anyone else than himself, and he doesn't want to face his problems, but run from them. And then I go on a drunk psycho texting rampage... ugh. When will I learn? 

If it's not embarrassing enough to have to admit that I was wrong, we have mutual friends and I look like a complete bitch right now. 

I was angry. For two months (thank goodness it wasn't longer) I was lied to, strung along, and used. I'm still angry. I developed feelings for a person who dropped me like a plate of cold chopped liver for someone I would consider less than appetizing. I think I'm most angry that this happens to me all the time. One of my friends exact words upon finding this out? "What is it about you that brings out the 'ex' in every guy you meet?" Great. My friends are making the association...

I shortly went through the "why me?" phase, but right now as I put it on paper, he's really not worth my time. So why am I still thinking about him? Why am I so embarrassed at my behavior the other night? Why am I upset over some guy who chose the (someone else will have to choose an adjective for less attractive that's nicer that the one's I'd use) ex girlfriend.

I'm not ugly. By any means. I had an old guy stop me on the street about two weeks ago and tell me I was the most beautiful woman he'd seen in all his 84 years. (By far the nicest compliment I've ever received) 

I just get tired of liking guys who don't like me, and not liking the ones that do. 

I know I have other things I need to focus on. And maybe now is the best time to do that.