Oh, but for the Crazy Cat Lady...






Ok, I know, some of you may already be well aware of my recent rantings on how I'm destined to be the "Crazy Cat Lady".

You know of whom I speak. The old woman who lives down the street. You know, the one that you thought was really a wicked witch when you were a kid. The boney old croon with the crazy hair and about 90 cats running around her yard? Yeah, that woman. The Crazy Cat Lady.

I haven't exactly been talling the world about my inner workings lately, but I guess since it's brought me literally TONS of blogging material, it's time I let the proverbial "cat" out of the bag.

I'm back in therapy. There. It's out.

But I'm not sure at this point what's more therapeutic for me. My therapist, or meeting the other nut jobs in the waiting room. While I get a lot out of talking to my therapist, these people make me feel as though my problems are nothing and that I may, in fact, be the most sane person in all the world.

Now we ALL know that's not true. I definitely have my crazy days and my idiosyncrasies... But these people, these people make my crazy days look like the mole hills they may really be.

Yesterday, I had the joy of seeing "the Crazy Cat Lady" up close. As if the cat T shirt and the slippers weren't enough, she BROUGHT ONE HER CATS WITH HER TO THERAPY.

Anyways, I went in for my appointment yesterday on my lunch. No big deal. I needed to talk to the nurse about some of my issues with the medication they gave me a few weeks ago. (That's a whole blog waiting to happen, if you don't think I'm crazy now, you will after reading that)

I sign in and have a seat. I generally sit in the chair in the corner, thus giving me the best vantage point to witness the crazy begin. I learned this after my first appointment, where some guy was arguing with a woman behind me that he should be more highly regarded as a person because even though he wanted to take advantage of passed out woman, he knew better and didn't that last time he had the "opportunity." (Told you, crazy people)

I sit and the waiting room begins to fill. A large older woman caught my eye because I thought she was talking to her purse as she walked up to the counter. Then I had to stifle a laugh as the receptionist seemed to play into what I thought was a delusion. The cat butts on the back of her shirt should have given this away, but I missed it for a second. When she turned around there was a black and white kitten in her arms. "Awww"

Just for a second I need you to picture this woman. It's important you see this in your mind. She had to have been late fifties/early sixties, maybe 5'4" at best, and had two tone crazy hair. it was white/ silver at the roots but then she had this odd attempt at a bun that looked mostly yellow. Like she tried to be blonde for a while and just gave up and decided to spend her hair dye money on cat toys. She had on a t shirt that would have been over sized for the normal person, but was just a bit too snug for comfort... I'm sure she didn't notice the lack of comfort, but it sure made me uncomfortable. :/ The slippers made sense to me, because I'm sure regular shoes were painful on her cankles. But what threw me off, was the skirt. It was too short for her, then again ankle length would be the only appropriate length for her. But it was a nice skirt. Put together right would have been very professional. Add bad teeth and what I'm sure was a duffel bag she was using as a purse and you have our Crazy Cat Lady.

When she went to sit down, there were plenty of empty chairs, but she comes over to my corner and asks if I'm allergic to cats as she sits down, I say yes, but she's to busy planting her ass in her chair to care. "He just had a bath, so you'll be fine" is the snotty reply. Don't get me wrong I love cats, but man, some cats make my system go haywire, this cat was no exception. I had to get up and go outside and when I came back in moved to the other side of the waiting room.

Crazy Cat Lady was talking to her cat like a new mother to an infant. When the cat wanted to play she plays and proceeded to yell at the cat in that baby voice "NO BITE, NO BITE!!!"

I have since decided to repeal my previous claim that I would end up being the Crazy Cat Lady. I'm not near crazy enough. And I think it would be too much work to achieve that goal. Besides, I really don't think there are enough antihistamines in the WORLD for me to have more than three or four cats...

So there it is. I now need to come up with a new eclectic goal for my old age and senility.

(Originally Posted September 2007)